the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
