I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
