you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
