is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
