This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize