dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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