Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
