have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
