Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
