to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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