I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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