We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
