The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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