I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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