I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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