Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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