Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
