ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
