I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Panties = found
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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