Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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