i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
