I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
