Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
