nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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