I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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