I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
