Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
