you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
