K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
