i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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