I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
birth control should be required to get into college
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
