I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
