I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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