Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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