i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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