...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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