i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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