You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
