I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
