ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
