I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh god it's open bar.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
