I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
