I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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