I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
