Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
