you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I want is dick and wine.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
