i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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