So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
