i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
