The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My vagina just recognized that song.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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