well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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