Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
