i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
