we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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