u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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