Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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