She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
