yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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