I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
