im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize