The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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