yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
