Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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