your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
