No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
