No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
