I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
