Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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