she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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