The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
