I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
