I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
