i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
