I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
